there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
