Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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