good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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