I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
