I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
3 2 1 whiskey
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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