She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
