Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
