help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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