Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Randomize