Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
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And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
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I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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