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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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