The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
