I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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