It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
