Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
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I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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