if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
