I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
