if i died would you start the facebook group?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
