I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
