I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
