WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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