After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
