My room smells like vodka and shame
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
