I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
