SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
