Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
