i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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