he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
