she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
