This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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