Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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