My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
