I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
