Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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