I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Randomize
