Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
