I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
