Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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