Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
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