omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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