guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
