There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
