Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
