Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
is that a dick in a sweater?
Randomize
