I cannot find my penis.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
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just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
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You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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