Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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