I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
