I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
