So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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