These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
