Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
