I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
