I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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