is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Houston, we have a squirter
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this