Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I wish i was in the wii world.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.