After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
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Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
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We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.