and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time