Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
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To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
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Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.