$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
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Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
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I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch