You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
