So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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