I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
