i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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