she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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