We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
