so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
