is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
