Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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