UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
