So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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