# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
