Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It's shark week go big or go home
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
