You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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