I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
