Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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