i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
