so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
