I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
