i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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