is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
