Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize