u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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