Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize