Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
