I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
