I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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