I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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