i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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